It is of the highest importance in the art of detection to be able to recognize, out of a number of facts, which are incidental and which vital. Otherwise your energy and attention must be dissipated instead of being concentrated. -Sherlock Holmes, The Reigate Puzzle
Sherlock Holmes was known for many things, including strong leadership, quick wit, and a phenomenal acting ability. But, his most famous quality was deductive reasoning from astute observation. And he began almost every case by meeting someone new. Someone who had just experienced a horrific event. Someone whose trust Sherlock had to earn. Someone who had to believe Sherlock could and would help them.
Respect is defined as “a sense of the worth or excellence of a person.” And Sherlock understood the importance of earning that respect from every client. He began each new relationship and each new case by building respect upon a foundation of observation and communication. It worked for the greatest fictional detective of the 19th century, and it can work for you today.
An Attitude of Preparation: The Adventure of the Empty House
Before every case, Sherlock took a few moments to prepare his mind and body for the work ahead. First, he gathered all the information available about both his client and the issue at hand. He placed all other concerns aside for that first interview. And he approached the case with gratitude for the client who could bring him an interesting problem to solve.
“It is of the first importance,” he cried, “not to allow your judgment to be biased by personal qualities.” -Sherlock Holmes, The Sign of Four
- In order to earn someone’s respect, you need to be ready to receive it. That means you need to create a state of internal calm and an open, engaged attitude. Notice your current emotional state and take a few easy breaths to present a relaxed composure.
- Focus your attention on the other person. Create a situation where you can ignore random distractions, including your own prejudices. By setting your own opinions aside, you make space to observe and collect information about the other person.
- Be enthusiastic about meeting the other person and the topic of discussion. This provides a boost of self-esteem for them which creates an instant bond. Reciprocal affection, as psychologists describe it, causes us to “admire…and like someone once we are told that he has these same feelings for us.”
Active Observation: A Study in Scarlet
Upon meeting the new client, Sherlock Holmes ensured they were both comfortable and then simply listened. He allowed the client to tell his story, whatever it was, without interruption and without judgment. He made sure to acknowledge and notice every piece of data described for use at a later time.
“To let the brain work without sufficient material is like racing an engine. It racks itself to pieces.” -Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Devil’s Foot
- By allowing someone to give or share information with you, you activate a psychological process called cognitive dissonance. This causes the other person to “conclude, partly unconsciously, that [they] have a favorable impression of you.” As they invest time and energy in their relationship with you, they feel more attached to you.
- Suspend judgment of their opinion and encourage them to complete each train of thought. You’ll be amazed at what additional and insightful information people will add to the conversation if you remain silent for 15-20 extra seconds during a pause in speaking.
- Non-verbally acknowledge that you comprehend their message on each topic, and be patient to discuss your interpretation. This builds the foundation of support for a relationship of mutual respect without obscuring that respect by a difference of opinion.
Build A Dialogue: A Case of Identity
After the client explained the circumstances in great detail, Sherlock would always express appreciation for such an engaging case and then question the client in detail. He would interpret and summarize important points to indicate he understood both the case and also the client. Every client (except perhaps the ones found to be the criminal later) voiced joy and respect for Sherlock’s interest and abilities.
“Chance has put in our way a most singular and whimsical problem, and its solution is its own reward. “ -Sherlock Holmes
- As humans, we have a natural tendency to resist new information. However, if you are too quick to respond, others will believe you are overly critical and only become defensive or argumentative. Instead, if you wait until they are done speaking and then provide relevant feedback, they will feel personal independence but also a deeper mutual bond. This tactic is often used by the most charismatic leaders.
- Once you summarize their key points and affirm your understanding, you can confidently state your interpretation and invite their response. Psychologists agree that “people treat us the way we train them to.” Encourage them to respect your viewpoint with an open dialogue.
Continuous Rapport: The Adventure of the Dancing Men
Sherlock spent a significant time building rapport between himself, his clients, and his Dear Watson. He believed in a life of adventure and observation of the world around him. And that world responded with respect and trust for his abilities and his leadership.
We all want to be accepted as the person we are today. Taking the time to openly observe, find common understanding, and honestly communicate with someone else will create a psychological bridge between you both. Each similar experience shared will build mutual understanding and mutual respect.
“Well, Watson, we can but possess our souls in patience and see what the hour may bring.” -Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Three Garridebs
Active observation and dialogue are skills but respect is a cherished gift.
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How do you practice active observation & active listening? Do you always build mutual respect into your relationships? Share your ideas in the comment section! |
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