First, thank you for sticking with me. Whether you are doing it to learn about making changes in your life, or just to watch my antics as a physicist madly enamored with patterns, who enjoys organizing emotions and other thought gymnastics…. I do appreciate your support.
Next, I promised to use my life as a guinea pig so I’m going to have to change something. Something BIG. Something that isn’t going to be all puppy dogs and rainbows for me. Something that scares the crap out of me. And (oh boy) do I have the perfect problem.
All I had to do was ask myself “What’s not working?” (actually, in my journal I wrote “What’s fucked up and needs to get fixed?” but it’s just as effective without the swearing). And then I waited. Unfortunately, I waited a very long time, 6 months to be exact, while I hemmed and hawed about all the stuff I wanted to fix. Small Mistake!
Then I learned some stuff from a book called “Five Wishes” by Gay Hendricks & “The Sedona Method” by Hale Dwoskin & added in my knowledge of process improvement techniques. So, here’s how I defined my goals in less than 15 minutes… (get out your journal & follow along with me!)
Step ONE:
Choose one area of your life that you want to change.
- Habits
- Career
- Money
- Education
- Relationships
- Family
- Emotions
- Character
- Life Purpose
- Spiritual Development
- Fun/Adventure<– I chose this area
Step TWO:
Pretend you are dying (I’m not being morbid! Just close your eyes and imagine yourself lying on your deathbed). And someone asks you “What one thing would have made you successful in this area of your life?” Write it down, NOW. Don’t give in to mental prioritizations. In one sentence, write down the first thing that came to your mind. (Are you done? I’ll wait.) This is your old, unwanted pattern.
Here’s mine: I’m constantly disappointed that I’ve never written or published a single fictional story even though my mind is constantly filled, to the point of swirling insanity, with new characters, new plots, and new book ideas.
Step THREE:
Pull out your journal again and describe why this is important to you. Notice the words “to you.” Define why this problem is a big deal for you, NOT why it *might* be a big deal for you mother, or your husband, or your wife, or your boss. Also notice that I’m not asking for your ideal solution. Try to avoid detailing exactly how you are planning to fix this problem. It doesn’t make sense to jump to a solution before you really know the issue AND the goal. Instead explore why you care about this change so damn much.
Also make sure that it’s your authentic voice writing down these reasons and not the mental chatter of somebody else’s view (that we can all carry inside our heads). If you take more than 10 minutes on this step, you’re probably not listening to your intuition. So use a timer if you have a problem discerning your internal voice from all the other gremlins in there.
Here’s mine (a short excerpt):
“I must create Connection but the how & why elude me constantly, evolving like a symbiotic organism, separate but essential to my own life. The idea that feeds me is Connection. Truth, Love, & Freedom MUST be shared…. I’m not a superhero (or a supervillian) and rarely pretend to be, but I know that standing on a pedestal makes me a target & scares the crap out of me. However, if my true purpose is the only guidance I have, then stand I must. Speak for playfulness & sincerity as two sides of the same coin. Express authenticity, sensuality, and freedom as an example for anyone else who needs to know they are real.”
Step FOUR:
Boil all those journaling words down to 4 or 5 key points. (this won’t be too hard if you held up to the 10 minute time limit)
Here’s mine: This is a critical change I want to make because…
- The fictional stories in my head could help me connect with, entertain, and teach a lot of people.
- I want the world to know that their life can be authentic, sensual, playful, and amazing.
- I want to share the power of imagination and creative expression to change peoples lives inside and out.
- I might actually explode if I don’t tell my fictional stories to the people who truly need to hear them.
Step FIVE:
Using what is important to you from step FOUR, describe the change you want to create in one sentence. Write down exactly what this area of your life could be like *today* if this problem was already resolved. Basically I want you to state your new pattern in a positive manner using the present tense. Please don’t list how you are going to fix things. Describe how it feels to be living life when the problem isn’t a problem anymore.
Use brevity but be honest. Leaving out something essential simply because you’re not sure if you should (or should not) have it will just add a destructive element to your pattern later. It’s a waste of effort to define a new pattern and build in a way to sabotage it at the same time. It may be scary, but you’ll be happier with the truth in the long run.
Here’s mine: My life is truly awesome because I create an abundant living by writing and publishing amazing and wonderful stories that help people experience an authentic, sensual, and playful world in their imagination and in their real life.
After step five, rewrite your problem statement, 4 key points, and new pattern goal on a single sheet of paper and post it in your office (or anywhere else you’ll see it everyday). Doing this extra step can ensure that you are constantly reminded of your promise and daily reaffirm your passion to make this change.
If just writing down you goals is a new step that you’ve never taken before then, congratulate yourself. Only 3% of people on the earth write down their goals and that 3% is purported to hold more wealth, own more land, and make more money than any other group.
Plus, just writing down a goal has been shown to increase it’s chances of being completed by 90%. 90%! In my book (which is a book filled with time dependent Schrodinger equation and other beautiful math puzzles) 90% is fucking awesome.
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How do you feel now that you have a written goal? What other goal setting methods have you used? Share your ideas in the comment section! |
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